Realize

Fourth month in the year.
Last night went to watch movie Fast and Furious 7. Felt thrill and touched at the same time. Heart feeling bitter and sour when think of Paul Walker, what a great man, he was.
A sad feeling appears. Not only because of Paul, but because of my loneliness.
It took such a long time for me to admit that, I am lonely. So lonely.
After the movie, I wished to share my feeling to someone, and I found none.
There is no one in my phone list that I can call to and tell him how i felt, what I think.
This time is special. I don't want a friend, or just a friend. I need him.
My Lord Father, you knew who he is. You ask me to wait, You always said that you planned for me the best.
My Lord Father, I am just a mortal that are naive, stupid, and and fragile. I am so weak. I am so scared. I am afraid of this kind of waiting. When the loneliness strikes me, my world is trembling down. I cried for no reason.
My Lord Father, I know I need to pass all the tests You give me and I always let you down. Forgive me Father.
When is the day? My Lord Father, I asked many times but I did not get the reply.
I am so scared especially when the nights come.
I realize that I am alone for all this time. Even tough i know My Lord Father is somewhere near to me, watching me, guiding me.
The empty heart suffered me. It was like a drain pump that sucks out all the air and blood inside me. It makes me only a figure that live, but not living.
Am I too late to realize this big lost puzzle in my life?